Ask Max Monday: Anything On The Counter Is Fair Game

October 15, 2012 |

Max, Me has a question – How does me gets my little brother to stops talking about his girlfriend? Me is ready to throttle him!

Give it time. Sooner or later every other word out of his mouth won’t be about her, but for now, he’s GOT to talk about her, or he will explode. Which would be worse: hearing about his girlfriend all the time, or having to clean his poop-encrusted gizzards off your fur?

Just try to not listen when he goes on and on. Take your brain to a happy place. Like a sunny beach where kitties are served nipitinis on demand and the real live fresh dead fish never stops coming.

Dear Max, the last two times mommy gave me treats I gots a belly ache and threw up. Am I allergic to treats? Should I just kill myself now? I haz a big sad. Luv, Poppy

Don’t despair; you might not be allergic to all treats, it might just be that those particular treats don’t agree with you. I can only have one brand of crunchy treats—Temptations—because I barf up everything else. No one knows why, really. I don’t break out in hives or anything, I just hork ‘em up. So the only thing the People buy for me now are Temptations.

Ask your mom to try some different brands. You might find one that you not only like, but sets okay in your tummy. It would be awful to never get treats again, that’s for sure.

cat eating pie

I got yelled at for licking the pie that was on the kitchen counter. I didn’t eat any. Why did they get upset?

Dood, who really knows? Like you said, you didn’t eat it, you only licked it. And if they didn’t want you to lick it, why did they leave it on the counter? It was fair game at that point. Your people were wrong on this one. And a little cat spit never hurt anyone. Much.

Max is it too early to make a list for Santa?

Nope, it’s not too early. In fact, making your list early is downright considerate; if you know by Thanksgiving what you might like to get as a gift, it gives him more time to plan out what from your list he’s going to choose, and that’s one less last minute thing he has to do. It’s only a couple months plus like 10 days away!

cat with santa

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Category: 0 - Featured, Ask Max Monday, Humor

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003 Max is the author of three books, "The PsychoKitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat," its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death," and "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats."

Comments (4)

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  1. Cheysuli says:

    Yo Max, for the holidays maybe you could answer questions about the kinds of things cats should ask for for Christmas. Also, if I am a member of Meowism that worships me, can I celebrate Christmas, you know for the gifts?

  2. TRIPPER says:

    MAX YOO SHOODA SUGJESTED THAT THE TREAT RALPHER JUST GO BAK AND EET THE TREETS THAT ARE IN THE PUDDUL OF BARF. HAHAHHAAHA! THEN GIVE HIM MY ADDRESS AND SHIP ALL THE TREETS HE CAN’T EAT TO ME!

  3. Mol, you’re always on the button, Max!

  4. Dood! Great advice!
    DMM

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