Ask Max Monday: Seek and Ye Might Not Find

[ 5 ] November 4, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday

Dear Max,
We normally help mom with the foster kittens. But right now there is a weird sound coming from the bathroom. It kinda sounds like she brought home a baby chick-hen. How do we find out since she won’t let us in there right now (something about the babies not having enough shots)? And what if it IS baby chick-hens??
THANKS
Random Felines

Hm. I don’t suppose there’s a keyhole to peek through? Or enough space at the bottom of the door to look through? You’d have to squish your face to the floor until one side was as flat as a pancake, but you might be able to get a look. Other than that…sniff her. I mean sniff her from hear to toes, in her ears, in her nose, everywhere. You might be able to catch a whiff of whatever is hiding in the bathroom.

And dood, if it IS baby chickens? CHICKEN NUGGETS!!!

Max, percentage wise how often do your peoples make sense?

If I’m being generous, about 3% of the time. If I’m being realistic, perhaps 1.437%. It’s not their fault though; they’re only human.

Max, do you think our food lady sees other cats on the side? Occasionally, she comes home smelling like she gived our scritches to some other cat and wearing da wrong color furs on her shirt. Where on earf could she be finding other cats to be friends with? We are the center of her universe! We think it’s time to scratch the sofa and pee on somefing that can’t be cleaned, don’t you? Love always, Spider and Gracie

It’s always time to scratch the sofa and pee on something, because people are always doing things they should not. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if your food lady is giving attentions to random stray kitties she comes across. Mine will do this RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE. If there’s some random evil introoder kitty out there, she’ll talk to it and if it seems friendly, she’ll pet it.

Now, the good thing is that people don’t have a limited supply of skritches to be handed out, so you’re not being short changed, and it’s only a serious problem if she brings one of them home. But just for good measure, feel free to pee on something she loves. Because chances are she’s done SOMETHING to deserve it.

Max, my fluffy boy has a hiding place somewhere in the house and I cannot figure out where it is. Can you help me out and tell me where a kitty might hide, and a person might not consider it?

I could, but that would be telling. Your floofy boy has a secret hiding place and I am sworn to Feline Fidelity and cannot reveal where and how kitties hide. As long as he comes out to eat and use the litter box, well, it’s his secret to tell. I bet if you offer him a hearty meal of real live fresh dead cow, real live fresh dead shrimp, and 63 crunchy treats, he’ll show you where it is. I know I would.

Tags:

Category: 0 - Featured, Ask Max Monday

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003 Max is the author of three books, "The PsychoKitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat," its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death," and "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats."

Comments (5)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. Thanks Max. We live to be disappointed. No chick-hens…just more baby kittens. rats…..

  2. Dio the Kitty says:

    The fluffy boy cat that’s missing… he goes into the outer dimension. We haven’t found the portal yet but Grandpa Cat used to go their all the time. Bery mysterious.

  3. Spunky says:

    Hi Mr. Max. I’m gonna make this kinda quick because we are all really sad here. My big sisfur Winky just had to go to the Stabby Guy on last Monday and she didn’t come home; the Stabby Guy said she had a cancer that he said must have been a really fast growing kind cause she was just fine until Friday when she started to not breathe right. Anyways, the Mom said Winky went to the Rainbow Bridge and we will see her again, but we are sad NOW. The Mom is reading us your book again to try to make us and her feel better, but do you have any other suggestions?

  4. The Meezers says:

    Hi Max. I has a serious prollem that I need your help with. There were people here in mine house and they left a stink that I cannot get out of mine nose. The mom has tried to shampoo all the rugs and wipe down the floors and windows and walls and stuff where they were werking, but I can still smell them. And I’m furry ashamed to say it makes me pee mine pants a little acause I’m scairt of people. Mine brofurs cannot smell the werker guys anymore so what is wrong wif me? The mom just says I’m “speshul” but that just sounds like a insult. I’m thinking of buying nose plugs. What do you think?

Leave a Reply

Data Recoverydata recovery software
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox

Join other followers