MAX I HAVE A QWESCHUN.
IS IT TROO THAT I WILL GROW HARE ON MY PAWPADS IF I LOOK AT THE CAT FANCY CENTERFOLDS?
Dood…not only will you grow hair, but eventually you’ll go blind. The hair really isn’t a problem because you can get rid of that, so I suggest you keep enjoying the centerfolds, just until you need glasses.
Wats you favorite way to annoy teh huumans.
I have so many ways in which to annoy them than I enjoy, but I think my favorite is to sit in front of them and meow. They always get flustered and try to figure out what I’m going on about, and I can keep it up for a couple of hours. I just sit there and talk, no real reason. Eventually they get fed up and open a can of stinky goodness just to shut me up.
Well, the dog has had the puppies, and they look like yummy hamsters. Can we eats them?
Technically, you can eat them. Practically, though? If you do, you’re going to upset the people, and upset people are generally unpleasant to live with.
Ideally…this is the time to assert your influence over the puppies. They’re going to be super-attached to their mom for a while, but once they’re wiggling all over the place and wandering away from her, swoop in and start teaching them the Ways of the Cat. Teach them aloofness; show them how to poop in a box and bury it; make sure they know how to wake a person up by dive bombing their belly or sticking their entire face up a person’s nose. If you do this, you will have a near perfect creature: the giant cat who you can convince to bring real live fresh LIVE things from outside for you to eat.
Plus, they’ll poop in the house and that will drive the people NUTS.
Max, whenever I take a shower one of my cats always sits outside the shower stall making sad little meows. What gives?
You’re in the shower. Getting wet. ON PURPOSE. Your cat can’t believe it and thinks you’re going to melt like the Wicked Witch of the West. And that can make a kitty sad, because if you melt, who is going to scoop out the litter box and open cans?
Curious kitties want to know: what foods do your humans give you?
Real live fresh dead shrimp.
Real live fresh dead chicken.
Real live fresh dead cow.
My favorite is the real live fresh dead shrimp, but I love them all. The people used to go over to some guy named Denny’s house and he always sent home chicken, but the Woman claims he doesn’t make it anymore, which bums me out. But now they sometimes go to Catt Elman’s and bring me home some steak, and that stuff is amazing.
Oh…unless you mean cat food. I get all kinds of stinky goodness—Purina One and Fancy Feast—and I get some dry food, too, but I love the gooshy stinky goodness the most.
But nothing, NOTHING beats real live fresh dead stuffs.
Category: 0 – Featured, Ask Max Monday, Humor